Monday, 3 June 2013

10 Annoying Facebook Friends We All Have

A note from Joelle...

♫ ♪ 'Losing You' - Solange ♫ ♪

This is a follow-up to my 'Profile Picture Confessions' post. Luckily for you, this post will not contain cringey spoof photos of myself (this time)! 
I always say that I can't be bothered with Facebook any more and that it's stupid and boring. Yet every-so-often, I am back to virtually stalk the cute boy in my lab class and compare my seemingly dull life with everyone else's.
As I have declared twitter as my new virtual home, I went through a huge unfriending spree on Facebook, which was really therapeutic. Loads of people wouldn't dream of deleting 'friends' on Facebook (apparently, having under 1000 friends makes you because they are still convinced that the higher number of friends you have, the more popular you are in real-life. HAHAHAHAAA! But in all honesty, it doesn't prove how popular and social you are in real life, so just delete the people who's lives you no longer care about!
Now onto types of annoying Facebook friends...

1. The'Model' - These ladies (and some guys) upload countless albums full of their tacky 'photoshoots' and pictures of themselves posing in fields looking all dazed and 'artistic'. As much as they try to stay modest when replying to numerous comments, they are fooling no one. If you spent as much time creating a real portfolio instead of choosing editing filters all day, you might actually become a real model!

2. The Club Promoter - These people constantly bombard you with event invites to clubs you have never heard of, locations 200 miles from your actual home and with lousy drink promotions. The thing is, you could remove yourself from their guest-list group but then you feel out of the loop, so you just let the trash keep rolling into your inbox...

3. The Holiday Hoe - I get so annoyed (but mostly jealous) of people taking endless pictures of themselves by the beach, on a camel, or sipping some exotic concoction from a hollowed-out watermelon (and then Instagramming it in about 20 different angles and filters). THEN they have the audacity to blast it all over Facebook as if they are on some superior level to the rest of us living in igloos back in rainy Britain. There are only so many pictures of bikini-clad girls jumping in the air on a sandy beach I can take these days...
4. The Amateur Politician - These people love a good argument in the comment section of their statuses (or someone else's). Whether they want hard drugs to be legalised, a cap on immigration or David Cameron out of Downing Street, they seem to have mastered the art of virtually verbally vomiting  (please take the time to appreciate that awesome alteration) their views all over the place without realising that no one really cares about their opinion.

5. The Serial Sharer - These people share every single video, meme and status they find the slightest bit amusing. But it's really not that funny for everyone else who is scrolling down their news-feed! These are also the people that have their Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Formspring and Spotify linked to their Facebook account. You can't get rid of them!!
The most annoying ones are the 'like and share to win' posts. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WIN THAT BLOODY IPAD, SO LEAVE IT!
6. The Jukebox Drama Queen - These are the people who use Facebook as a kind of life therapy. They cannot stop updating their status with random music lyrics (mainly about how much the love/hate someone) and that someone is usually on their friends list and are doing it to get their attention. What I find extra annoying is when someone comments with the next line of the song and then more people join until the whole song has been written out in the status comments. Why don't you just play the f*cking song in the privacy of your room instead of annoying everyone?
no we can't
7. The Foreign Randomer - We've all been there: you get a message from someone you have no mutual friends with and they live half-way across the world. They will practically say anything to you just to get an add.
They either A) compliment your looks and try to use flattery to get added onto your friend list or
B) say they know you in some way or another and then demand a sum of money.
I have seen so many people write statuses asking the age-old 'OMG, who are these random people on my friend list?' question.  Errrm sorry love, I think YOU accepted them...

8. The Attention-Seeker - Statuses like 'You're not the person I thought you were', 'I just want to run away' and (my personal favourite) 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best'. Overall, if you quote ANY lines from 'The Notebook' or the final line of 'Moulin Rouge!', please get your arse off social media #NoOneHaveTimeForYourAttentionSeekingMess.
They then have the nerve to reply to concerned friends with 'nothing, I'm okay hun xxxx' or 'I'll private message you'.
What is the point of airing your OTT, passive-aggressive/indirect statuses and then not tell everyone what's wrong? The suspense was killing us...
Here's an idea, instead of writing cringey/ annoying indirect statuses to get attention, why not man up and actually talk to the person that is making you sad? That will save a lot of people hovering over the 'unfriend' button waiting to delete you for good.

9. The Foodie - Okay, this one is me all over and I won't even apologise. I just like taking pictures of my food is that such a crime? Even if it's a half-eaten filet-o-fish, I still have to inform people that my meal is better than theirs through the medium of grainy iPhone 'photography'. I was going to use the excuse that I am a blogger, but I know that doesn't really cut it!

10. The Phantom - This is definitely the scariest kind of Facebook user. They haven't posted a single status or picture since 2011, but they still like your profile picture, join fan pages and comment on statuses everyday without fail. I must therefore conclude that these people make it their business duty to sit there and silently judge the rest of us.
Some people reading this might be my friend on my personal Facebook account. All I can say is one of these stereotypes could be based on you, sorry.

So go on, which one are YOU? :)
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