Sunday, 7 July 2013

How To Be A Legit Blogger

A note from Joelle...

♫ ♪ 'F For You' - Disclosure ♫ ♪

Mariannan | Costume
Just follow these simple steps!
1. If you do not own a Michael Kors watch, Zara City Bag or the latest MAC products, you have already failed as a legit blogger, so might as well quit now.

2. Only turn up to an event if a gift bag is guaranteed - you deserve a treat full of goodies for gracing the event with your presence.

3. No comments on your post? DELETE IT. It's embarrassing that no one commented, so get rid of the evidence ASAP!!!

4. You must be seen in all the top fashion mags, so skip work/school and head down to London and pose on the corner of Carnaby Street until you are approached by at least 10 street style photographers.

5. As a blogger, your main goal is to get famous (obviously) so tweet, Facebook,  Instagram your links and posts all over the web 24/7. Hey, that's how all the big bloggers got famous and successful, right?

6. Accept every single PR offer and event invitation you get. It doesn't matter if they want you to blog about ashtrays or paddling pools, your readers will love it. 

7. Always give a positive review of a product you were sent from a company. You want to stay in their good-books (to get even more freebies) after all.

8.Want to achieve the best blogger pose? Place your hand on your right hip, tilt your head exactly 33 degrees and show us that happy-to-be-wearing-these-expensive-clothes-but-totally-unaware-that-your-photo-is-being-taken look.

9. Only make friends with bloggers with 5000+ twitter followers. They are the real deal and are the only ones with a proper opinion.

10. Don't blog about the same item of clothing more than once. No one likes an outfit-repeater. 

11. At a boring fashion party? Drink as many free cocktails as you can and then make off with five goody bags. You clearly deserve it after no one recognised you and came to chat with you.

12. Post about 20 pictures of yourself in the same outfit for a blog post. Your readers need to appreciate how great you look at more than 15 angles.

13. Don't bother sourcing the pictures that you do not own, and don't even think about telling readers which items were gifted to you. Waste. of. Time.

15. Wear all your rings and bracelets at once to look more edgy and artistic.

16. In beauty posts, pout in all the photos to add real definition to the product you are reviewing.

17. Make sure to use the phrase 'pop of colour' in every fashion outfit post.

18. Have at least 20 giveaways a year and include old PR samples that you didn't like in the prize.

19. Don't bother reading other people's blog posts. Just say 'great post' and then leave links to your blog and giveaway.

20. Don't take part in chats like #bbloggers and #fbloggers on twitter. They are just for little bloggers and you don't need their tips or advice.
21. Create blog posts with all gifted pieces. It shows you are in demand in the fashion world and very influential.
Got to the end? Okay, don't hurt me! I can explain!!
***Obviously this is a joke post and I am totally kidding! You should NOT follow this guide as it won't get you anywhere.  But I thought it would be interesting to discuss how some people view bloggers and how some bloggers I have genuinely met view things. Some of the 'tips' I wrote above have been overly exaggerated, but I will let you guess the ones I did not make up and genuinely heard them say...
I am proud to be a blogger, even though it's quite a controversial hobby (well the fashion side anyway!). I like it because of the truly amazing writers, content creators and entrepreneurs I have met, that I would not have been able to meet if I did not do this.

Finally, if you have a blog (doesn't have to be fashion or beauty) please answer in the comments below:
'I am proud to be a blogger because _______________' as I would love to know why you do the awesome things you do. 

Stay cool!
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