Sunday, 4 August 2013

The Modern Female Struggle

A note from Joelle... 
No, this is not an essay on the glass ceiling, but instead a list of crazy things us women put ourselves through on a daily basis just for beauty! 

1. Playsuits/Jumpsuits - Arrrrrrrrrrrgh! There is always a time during the summer when we sacrifice our toilet dignity all for the sake of this piece of clothing. If you are from the States, you will know these as 'rompers' and boy, they are such a nuisance. Why? Well, you practically have to get naked if you want to use the bathroom and you feel so exposed, tense and weird for those few seconds. Not forgetting trying to zip it back up afterwards - nightmare! I almost forgot to mention unavoidable toe-of-camel. (I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'll move swiftly on...)
2. Tampons -  I obviously don't need to go into detail about what these are used for... With that said, it's still really awkward to go swimming and feeling all exposed like that. As Cher from 'Clueless' put it, no one wants the 'surf the crimson wave'... ewww.
3. Painting Nails - Picture this: You have spent ages perfecting your manicure and are just waiting for the final coat to dry. Oh, what's this? It has already been ruined by a hair 'strand dent'! Nicht gut.
4. Straightening/Curling Hair - No one actually taught me how to curl and straighten my hair - I had to learn the hard way - almost burning it off or burning my forehead! Younger girls are so lucky to have beauty gurus and tutorials on YouTube these days! (I sound so old!)
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5. Tweezers - For putting on eyelashes accurately and plucking out stray eyebrow hairs, aka torture tool. No real happiness has ever come from using these (but that won't stop us ladies!).
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6. Eyelash curlers - All I can say is that these were invented by the devil. Only someone with pure evil intent could invent such a cruel instrument. It is absolute AGONY getting an eyelash trapped in the curler (it's happened to me twice!) and having to cut it with mini scissors while your eye is watering and going bloodshot! 
Oh, and who invented HEATED eyelash curlers? That is just asking for trouble!
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7. 'Tit Tape' - Some call it a life-saver, I call if bloody annoying. It's no longer a secret how celebs keep their, err, chest perfectly round and not-saggy in daring dresses as it's all down to 'tit tape'! The problem for us non-famous peasants is that we don't have an entourage of stylists (and general arse-lickers) to tell us if it has worked or not. It's only when you look down and realise you've done a 'Janet Jackson', but by then it's too late to do anything!
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8. Hair clips/Sliders/Bobby Pins - That is a crazy amount of metal we now put into out hair to keep the little strands in place. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I had to be searched in airport security because my hair-clips and extensions triggered the alarm (oh, the shame!).
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9. The Strapless Bra - Oh, the paranoia when you think people can see too much. You have to constantly look down (as subtly as you can) just to make sure your dignity is still in tact! Great invention though.
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