Tuesday, 7 October 2014

24 Hours Without My iPhone

A note from Joelle... 

♫ ♪ 'Out Of Reach' - Gabrielle ♫ ♪

I've become that guy.
You know, that guy who says they can "totally live without a phone" and venture off into the Tibetan mountains to become one with nature and stuff? Yeah, I honestly thought being without a phone would be okay and "totes zen"...
But it all became too real for me this weekend when a glitch in the new iOS update crashed my phone causing it to die... in the palm of my hands... and no amount of unicorn blood or pixie dust could save its slowly fading life.
In a fit of sheer panic, I thought trying to turn it on and off again would sort it out (well, it worked in the primary school ICT suites, right?). But no. Still dead.
Now, bear with me for a moment as I try to explain what happened next...
My brain split in two: one side was like: "YES! You're free from seeing other people's shitty statuses and braggy instagram pictures!". The feeling of being disconnected from virtual society felt fresh and exciting. I couldn't wait to write stuff down... like, with an actual pen and paper and even go as far as to talk to people instead of texting them.
But the other side was like: "...HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO INSTAGRAM THE PASTA SALAD I JUST ATE???" Why is life so cruel? 

First the grief struck - Ok sure, a person didn't die. But a little device that knows me so well did and it's worth shedding a tear over, right? What do I do with it now? It's like a hollow shell of nothingness! 
And then it was anger - Clearly, it's Apple's fault that my phone malfunctioned, not mine! How selfish can they be? That's it, I'm switching back to my Motorola Razr. That thing could survive an atomic bomb.
I then started to worry - Oh crap, I dont' even know if I did any backups. How does one even do that? Ugggh, I should have read the manual! Oh crap, what if they revive it and find out I was downloading The Little Mermaid soundtrack before my phone packed in? I don't want that side of me brought to light!
Then came the guilt - Hold up, WHY am I sobbing over a bit of metal and glass? There are people going through really traumatic issues and I'm sat here bawling my eyes out over a mobile phone. Joelle, get a grip!!
And finally the nervousness kicked in - What if they can't fix my phone? How on earth am I going to live without my inspirational quotes app? What do I do with my thumbs now? What did we use our thumbs for before iphones?? What if people have been trying to get through to me?? They'll think I'm ignoring them and things will be awkward next time I see them. What if one of my friends chose me as their only call from jail? I can't believe I've let them down!

The final stage (disappointment) hit when I got to the Apple store. No it wasn't that I lost all my data and had to start afresh. They revived it but I only had one text.... a promotional message Domino's Pizza. Great.



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